Once we understand this, everything that takes place between ourselves and others appears in a new light. Being in love — and opening ourselves to an infinite range of shared emotions and experiences — becomes much more than just romantic or exciting. On a far more profound level, at the level of our souls, we are changing and growing. We are literally drawing closer to God, and in so doing we are opening ourselves to the fulfillment that closeness brings.

What’s more, it is not just the joyful moments we share that foster this transformation; even hard times or points of conflict are opportunities for positive change. In fact, the difficult moments we face are the real opportunities that a relationship gives us. What seems to be a problem is actually a gift: a chance to remove an internal obstacle that stands between ourselves and the unlimited happiness that is our real destiny.

Too often our focus is on meeting the right person, on somehow discovering that one-in-a-million human being who exactly fits our needs and specifications. But Kabbalah teaches that this is putting the emphasis in the wrong place. Becoming the right person — not finding the right person — is the real key to loving relationships. What’s more, difficulties and disagreements are without exception opportunities for us to become that right person — to take complete responsibility, both on the practical level of how we deal with conflict, and on the level of how we see our lives as a whole. When we shift perspective away from "winning" and toward helping those we love — especially when we’re angry — anger immediately dissipates. This is not a miracle; it’s simply the way things work at the level of positive and negative energies. Just as darkness cannot coexist with light, conflict cannot remain when you have a true intention to help and share with others.

If you keep experiencing the same relationship problems over and over again, it’s because you haven’t realized where the real problem lies. You’re still waiting for others to change without really correcting the aspects of yourself that you need to transform. Making this correction is a fundamental aspect of our spiritual work. There’s even a Hebrew word for it: tikkun. Completing your tikkun is why your soul is in the world in this lifetime. In fact, the Kabbalists explain that souls come to the world many times in order to attain their spiritual correction, and they will continue to do so until they finally achieve the correction once and for all. Your closest relationships are the place where your tikkun can really be completed — where you don’t just find the person you were looking for, but literally transform yourself into the person you are meant to be.

God created the world; God caused us to come into being. But now our task is to become the cause in our own right: to emulate the sharing essence of the Creator, and in this way receive the fulfillment that the Creator desires and intends for us. This is the knowledge and the wisdom that our relationships have come to teach us. And this is what we must open our hearts to learn.
Call out quote: "It is nothing less than the reason the world, as well as the universe as a whole, was created at the beginning of time."

According to the ancient kabbalists, when God made the world, He created a consummate vessel to receive His beneficence. That vessel He called Adam. Adam would contain all the energy ever to be manifested in the physical realm of Malchut- and Adam would also be the conduit through which Light would be channeled and shared.

In the beginning, Adam was both male and female, just as each of us is also created male and female. That is how we are made, both physically and spiritually, balancing the two aspects. But when the female aspect was separated from Adam and began to exist Eve, an independent entity, Adam then became the creative force, the dimension of Zeir Anpin, the kind of super sephira which includes Hesed, Gevura, Tiferet, Netzach, Hod, Yesod, - The levels of the tree of life that we have access to- and is the motivator for Malchut. The energy that needed to be manifested now came from him, not from the Creator.

When Adam was the vessel for the Light of the Creator his capacity was unlimited, and tremendous Light was reflected in the physical world. But after the fall and corruption, Adam no longer saw himself as a channel for the Light of the Creator- he channeled only his own light. Eve manifested only an essence of Adam; therefore, the female aspect was reduced to serving the male nature, and the world fell into darkness. Because the female aspect is created in spiritual balance with the male, Eve could not be greater than Adam’s spiritual nature, and the universal female presence became a lesser entity than its original form, because Adam became less than his original form. As the female aspect diminished, there was less and less light manifested throughout the world. Gradually, through the generations, a total depletion of Light took place… until the time of Avraham.

Avraham was the first person to reveal the concept of one God. He recognized that all things that move the world come from one Divine Force. As a result of this awareness and his desire to bring this wisdom to the people, Avraham became the channel for the Light of the Creator. Balance was restored between male and female as Sarah became the vessel that once again revealed the Light of God. The role of Malchut, the female aspect, was elevated, and darkness was replaced with Light. This was the first time since Adam that male and female acted as one. That is why Sarah is referred to as the "mother"- Eve was called "women"- and Avraham is called "father".

Between the time of Adam and Avraham, there was darkness and negativity in the world because the Light of the Creator was unmanifested. In fact, the true purpose of sex is to allow the male aspect to be a conduit for the Light of the Creator, and the female to be a reflector. In order to create and transformation from darkness to Light, Malchut needs to embrace the obligation of manifesting the Light of the Creator by awakening the male desire to channel the Light.

There are many examples in the Bible of Malchut rising up and pushing for change. During the time of the Golden Calf women refused to allow their gold jewelry to be used for the creation of the idol. They would not allow themselves to be a vessel for anything less than the Light of the Creator and did not accept the Golden Calf and the idea of idolatry. It is important to note that until that crucial moment when women chose to use their power to draw down Light, they were treated like chattel. Not until they saw that the Golden Calf would cause a break in the spiritual system- and that the male had lost sight of the purpose for which he was created- could they themselves become elevated.

In fact, when the Creator gave the Torah to the people, He gave it first to the women. When the Torah says: "Speak unto the House of Jacob and unto the children of Israel" the Midrash explains that "Speak unto the House of Jacob" means the women, and "to the children of Israel" refers to the men. Why did He give the Torah to the women first? Because the spiritual level of the household and the spiritual level of future generations is derived from the female.

Today, most of us lose sight of who we are and what we were created for. But in the biblical period, the negativity was so powerful that it caused a tremendous desertion from spiritual teachings. Still, the souls that are here today are those that refused to be degraded at the time of the Golden Calf. In fact, the souls that are here are purer than any that have come before- because each time we incarnate, we either elevate to another level of existence or at least remain where we were. We certainly do not become less than what we were when the particular soul that now occupies the body first came into being. And today we’ve reached a time when the transformation is happening more rapidly than ever before. That is why people are more spiritual or spiritually evolved, then at any time in the past. So many levels of negativity have been cleansed from our souls!

From the Bedroom to the Womb It's All About Consciousness.

It is written in Zohar that when Isaac brought Rivka to his mother’s tent a light reappeared - the light that had left when Sarah died. As a result of Rivka’s presence, the light of his mother returned and with that Isaac knew that Rivka was his soulmate. The Zohar tells us that “he knew her, she became his wife and he loved her.” Ordinarily, as relationships go, you get to know someone, you fall in love with them, then you marry them. The Zohar explains that when Isaac discovered Rivka’s sharing nature, her lack of dependence on material things, her desire to be with people, to go outside of herself, the qualities that made her different and made their relationship different from others that are built solely on external things, that is when he chose to marry her.

According to the Torah, Rivka was only three years old when Isaac met her, yet he saw that she was highly spiritually motivated. Although she came from a negative environment (her brother was the greatest sorcerer that ever lived and her father was an idol worshipper) she remained pure. As Rivka grew she became a beautiful spiritual entity. When she was 30, 40, and 50 she was equally beautiful to Isaac because what he saw in her was her internal beauty.

The lesson the Zohar offers us is that for those seeking a real relationship - one with meaning that will bring lasting fulfillment - we should not look at the superficial. If we are looking to find the real one for us, we need to look beyond the external. Don’t get me wrong there must be an attraction, and there is also nothing wrong with having good sex. But know that the purpose of relationships, spiritually, is to create harmony in the cosmos. How does one do that? How does sex make harmony in the cosmos? If your desire is to give pleasure to the other person, if you are both sharing and really loving each other, that coupling generates positive energy in the cosmos as well as in the marriage, and it affects the children that the union will bring into the world.

The Zohar explains that the consciousness of the parents at conception determines the nature of the soul that will be drawn to them. Souls hover in the upper realms looking for the perfect environment to complete their correction, or Tikkune. A soul that requires more difficult conditions, perhaps with abuse or violence, will search for a union where there is lust, anger, or even pain during intercourse. On the other hand, a soul that does not require such an intense correction will choose a couple whose connection is loving, tender and sharing.