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For many years I didn't have a housekeeper. I was a single guy living in rented
apartments that were never rented with the intention to create a sense of Home, just temporary
housing until, one day, I'll get Home. For many years I believed that if you don't make a
mess, you won't have to clean stuff up. So my place was always clean, because I
avoided making messes, even little ones. And I was taking pride in walking my
path. Later, as it turns out, I realized I was doing the exact same thing with
the rest of my life. In order not to make
it messy I avoided taking risks. I was being "efficient" and "productive"
and "not wasteful" and
I was careful not to "add havoc to the already too chaotic world" of ours. I was
avoiding having to solve problems by not creating them in the first place. It
didn't really work.
First, "problems" present themselves with or without our help. Our world is ever changing and
the people around you are close enough to mess up your tightly-guarded life, no
matter how much you try to resist it. Nothing really stays the same, no matter
HOW good you
are in convincing yourself otherwise. (PS - The reason I put "problems" in
quotes is that "problems" are really situations that WE choose to define as
"problems". We can just as easily call them "challenges", or "growth
opportunities", or "gifts from the universe")
Second, and probably more significant, is the fact that this cycle of seemingly
meaningless circulation of energy, does not REALLY leave you in the same place.
A major part of our natural maintenance processes are triggered by these exchanges
with our surrounding. Dreams, for example, are a way for our emotional system
to process intense events in our lives. Bad dreams are the emotional equivalence
of diarrhea - it's ridding our beings from unwanted energy. Exercise squeezes
sweat and calories from our body and makes room for more food and water.
Mistakes lead to conflicts that lead to anger that leads to sadness that leads
to self-reflection that leads to self-improvement and self-awareness that allow
you to make new, more elevated mistakes.
So, for example, "saving yourself" for the right person, by sitting at home
and not engaging with the opposite sex, does not make you purer or more ready for
a relationship. Probably the opposite. Going through the turmoil and turbulence
of relationships, breaking through the ecstasy of love and the agony of
separation more than just once or twice, getting real close to several different people
over the span of lifetime and learning to know what works for you and what
doesn't - this is the stuff that will prepare you for the One relationship with
the person you'll spend the rest of you life with (don't get me wrong, I'm NOT
saying you should jump into bed with every other person you meet...)
So, for example, going on vacation instead of saving every last dime, so that
you can recharge your batteries, so that you can recall why you're working so
hard in the first place, so that you can get out of the ordinary into the
extraordinary, so that you remember the possibility of being extraordinary
yourself.
To stand up for somebody's rights or for the truth even when it leads to
conflict. To be courageous enough to know and remember that not all
things must not be broken ever. That sometimes things break so that they can
make room for better things, newer things, other things, more right for you,
closer to who you really are.
That sometime you need to move to a different country, or give all your clothes
to charity and buy new ones, or to get a divorce or to quit your job or start a
new business, but sometimes, more often than you'd like to think, it's enough to
go see a movie by yourself AND buy ice cream AND chocolate cake and eat it by
yourself with your fingers. and sometimes you really have to commit and wake up
early every morning for 90 days straight and jog.
So don't be afraid to make a mess. Don't be afraid of change, of making room
for new stuff, that you've never experienced before. Maybe, if it doesn't happen by itself, you
will be intelligent and brave enough to do it yourself, on your own terms and at
your will. Make messes.
And be willing and prepared to choose, with a wide smile and an open heart, with pride
and ever-growing wisdom, to clean them up, and be a better person for it. |
